hi dairy,its been like 1 yr odd for nt updating?? HAHAHS omig.seriously if i haven visit gy's blog i wont wanna think of update too but then again its here where i can say freely tho.afte some comments being made here some ppl might disagree but this is a free feelings kinda blog.say wad u wanna frustrate and vent on rather than doing the bads on other innocent ppl rite? So after 1 yr wads change i've seen many many changes from head to the toe of my life. Firstly, money...hahahs been rich n poor still spend like fuck hahas juz tat tis yr's better than the last. Second, Pride....hmm..i dunno really.some ppl say i've become more stubborn but then again i really dunno if i m really tat stubborn would i even wanna listen and make an effort? At home my pride's like 1 million tons but at work omig like -1milion tons! and with my friends i dunno.afraid to do things which i will regret for my entire life. i've already enough of regrets la kao add tis major one i dunno wad to say le.also last month i did somethin i'll almost kill myself for doing it again which is to commit suicide. Alrite to REPEAT to some ppl. I was to commit suicide due to some probs i m facing w/o telling u ppl not cos i was DRUNK! GET IT STRAIGHT IN UR THICK HEAD. and do not keep REMINDING me of the past! Outside i m laughing Inside i m CRYING. i know wad i did was totally wrong and i apologized from the bottom of my heart. tats y i think i rather come back blogging my hearts out rather than to keep my stress and secrets inside me. HARD ENOUGH OF THEM SINCE YOUNG. Thirdly, Love...After the last entry hahahs...some one touched me totally...at tat time.Yongjie, i've nvr been so cared for all these while no matter how much i love a person.but no one's perfect he betrayed me rite after 1 month for 3 times but! forgiven n dun wished to tok abt it anymore cos sometimes i still c it in my dreams unconciously.YEA..i'm a very forgiving person but its hard for me to easily forget becos of my past as well.tats y.i hpe he understand..but then after he's better and till now we're a 5th month old couple. Sadly to say, we're on the rocks now..cos...i dunno if i still love him.and i dun wan becos of this my best freind doesnt c me as i was before i dunno if ihave changed really but! i wished gy will be there for me even if i made mistakes in future to come.i loved him alot for being my best friend tks honey/ son.hahhas...yongjie: i dun wanna hurt u.or xl..before u i loved xl ( i dunno who's reading but sorry if i said anthin which hurt u in here) i rather be hurt than ppl ard me kanna hurt. and i think the best decision is for me to leave since both of u cant make up a decision including me. YES, i'm LEAVING TO THE STATES. Either New York or LA unsure yet as they are still deciding i'm leaving for studies end of next yr which is exactly 1 yr from now again hhas. will be goin alone for 6 months then my family will come and they will migrate there shld be in new york while i juz study at LA. I'm v.afraid to leave cos all those who love me are here.and there, i'm nothin to anyone.all alone and have to be independent.So ppl! Get ready to own a 3G phone to get in touch wif me! also save big bucks and come over ok!! (: i will try my best to come over for short holis. too hahahahahas but no place to stay lol must stay at hotel liao hhas =p Forthly, Career....Changed many jobs during the past yr.Now i m working in Plaza Premium up in Terminal 2 Changi airport ((: pay's nt bad...1.5k excludes commission..commission are like 25% of 5k per daily sales.nt bad even tho past commissions are better.and my pay is next week expecting ard 2k pay...cos i'v taken 2 ULs. =PP Lastly, Family....well...things are the same as last yr but alil.worsen...when yong jie became my bf.my mother juz wouldnt accept him. nt sure of wad she heard but she simply think he's nt the one for me tats tat! gudness and she keep looking thru my stufs and all and i feel very trapped. unable to do things i really wan cos trapped bt yong jie and my mother.and cos of my mothers naggings my dad came into the pic to gan me.Wa piang....then its becos of this kinda unpleasent family life and partly abit of the past wad yong jie did which is still stuck in my fucking dumb head that i wanted to commit silly suicide last month. Once again i sincerely apologize for my silly behaviour. after that moment i thought to myself i've been so strong since i was a young age of 4 y till nt now? There are many ppl who loved me n wans to c me happy like gy,xl,yongjie,my friends and even my mother (tho her nags and words can give kills) but its clear cut they do things cos they love me lots. and becos of tat i will embrace myself forward! Gohonzon thanks for being there for me these past yrs too.since young eve since i've started living again from u, many ppl think i'm a person to be proud of and wothy but i c myself today i cant do many things rite! alil.sad and disappointed i feel very hopeless and useless sometimes i can change but nt sure y things still happens maybe its juz karma and walks of life i have to face till i m old and grey. Anyways i know u're my biggest support and i love my faith even though i looked like i dun care, deep in my heart whenver i made a mistake i will apologize to u and when i really needed help i turn to u. maybe its cos of my stubborness tat i do nt wan to face u straight in the eyes.sorry.. TO: Vanessa and Gangyuan, Saw your blogs please i wished to c u both together longer but i m no magician, and i cant decide things and decisions for u both.when u ppl hve a prob i dun mind finding out wads the real fault but the real prob is.Do u both still love each other as deep as before? if yes! y quarrel over some dumb incident like tat happened on ur anni.? it was ur ani.! Vanessa blame me i m nossy or bossy, but..frankly gy wasnt driving fast (nt siding him) 90 - 100 is the highway limit speed..even cabs u sat in drive faster.and yes he's a good driver. (: admit it pls. Also if there's something troubling u and u dun wanna tell him at least do not vent any frustrations on him cos he wondnt know y ur mad abt. u're juz leaving him a "?". Gy, U've changed, u shld know wad kinda personality is ur gf is cos u know her shes urs man. Perhaps cos when she wierdly get angry wif u it might nt be on purpose? and maybe she was thinkin abt her prob shes facing and she juz doesnt wanna tell u?? like me i would sometimes i dun tel yongjie when i gt a health prob cos i m afraid tat it's a fatal one or wadeva wierd dieases lol.sill rite =XX but at least i put up a smily face in front of him but vanessa isnt, she dun wan to keep everythin inside her n die inside her. UNlike me she will vent "period" angers. U both shld try communicate more (: <3 u both lots ppl are worried for u hope u both recover soon! ^.^ Quote from clement (PPLSG): Everything changes be it human or none living things, but the only change it wouldnt change is Changes themselves." So learn to adapt. Cheers! =DD | 
